El orfanato....

Posted by katecotten / at 9:13 AM / /

its the weekend! hooray! long days of lounging around...now, all you need to do is get on netflicks or run down to the closest blockbuster and rent The Orphange (El orfanato). You will not be sorry. Unless you dont do subtitles and/or scary movies. REGARDLESS, this movie is just that amazing, you may just want to give it a chance.

it is by the same guy (Guillermo Del Toro) that did Pan's Labryinth. i think he is a genius. though, I dont usually dig movies with subtitles because I think theyre long and ridiculous (for example: *GASP!* Mel Gibsons Apocalypto...i know, i know please dont come after me with pitchforks i know there are a lot of folks that feel strongly about this movie) but The Orphanage is seriously in my top ten favorite movies EVER. and thats a TOUGH list to make.

this is why i think everyone should give it a chance: for those of you that saw Pan's Labryinth and liked it...there is no way you cannot LOVE this one too. for those that hated Pan's Labryinth, still give it a chance, its amazing. i was not a huge fan of pans labryinth either the first time i watched it. i was hoping for more like mystical little kid imaginations and crazy creatures stuff than war and depression and abuse. but once i saw it again i enjoyed it. BUT The Orphanage...its dark and twisted and creepy and AWESOME!

i half dont want to tell anyone what its about because when jefferson suggested it last year without knowing what it was about, we all just kind of went with it. seriously, it is one of those movies that keeps you guessing the whole time. its a horror movie, by the way. but until like the last 45 seconds youre like...WTF? this is GREAT! and then the end comes and its like...dammit! seriously, great movie, everyone give it a chance. so if youre interested imdb it. cause im not giving anything away!

i also feel that i need to throw this out there -- after we watched The Orphanage last year we decided that the trailers were so ridiculous that we needed to check them out. so heres a list of some "comedic horror" movies to try out: (side note - the orphanage isnt a comedic horror its just a straight out scary movie)

1. Otis: ridiculously oversized man in teeny clothes kidnaps girls to take to his version of "prom". its considered a horror and there definitely is guns, chainsaws, blood and gore but as much as i hate to admit it is amusing with a sweet makeout scene in a faux mustang, a football montage, kevin pollack, and daniel stern (the robber from home alone and creepy dude in rookie of the year.)

2. Sickhouse: a young archaeologist is searching through an old orphanage where all the kids disappeared during the great plague, but it gets shut down, but shes determined and sneaks in after dark (always smart) and some other drunks get trapped in the old orphanage with her and the "plague doctor" viciously attacks them. meh. i think they tried too hard and we just found it amusing. but still worth seeing and a total win if your looking for a sheisty horror flick.

3. The Cottage: way super shitty british comedic horror these people get stalked by hillbillies. it was so ridiculous and i was so tired, but it was just SO ridiculous i couldnt not watch. make sense? especially with the stupid effects and amazingly horrible makeup and noises. watch with good friends and possible booze. you guys will laugh your asses off. promise.

NOW FOR THE REAL GEMS:

4. Black Sheep: no, not david spade and chris farley. a movie about....yup, you guessed it...genetically altered KILLER SHEEP! i know, right? all i can say about it was it was ridiculous. the bad effects are a total win on their own. there is a scene where the people are in a car with a KILLER SHEEP! and the sheep attempts to take control of the car is HYSTERICAL. not sold just yet? the genetically altered killer sheep fetus attacking the boyfriend in the beginning of the movie is alone worth seeing this shitty film. do it i dare you! you will laugh so much it hurts.

AND.....*drum roll please*.........

5. Teeth: a killer vajay. yup, i said it. its gots teeth. super awesome indie horror flick. its supposed to be a beautiful coming of age story with a seemingly blossoming young girl. until she realizes...theres something not quite right. its AMAZING. im being totally serious. worth seeing. you will laugh and cringe throughout the entire movie. HYSTERICAL. number one shitty horror flick in my book.